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My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
It takes balls to be a man.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in