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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.