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Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I have a black belt in leather
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.