Daily Silly Status

I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.

We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.

Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.

I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole

I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.

One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.

All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.

I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.

I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.

“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.

No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!

So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!

I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...

Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...

I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.