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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.