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Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
It`s so hard to find obedient minions
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Iām not the friend you put on speaker phone.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok