Daily Silly Status

Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.

Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend

"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty

trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...

To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.

I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job

It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.

I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!