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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.