Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.