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This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.