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Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.