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There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing