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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.