Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.