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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.