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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.