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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.