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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!