Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Fun Fact: A pizza will never sleep with your best friend behind your back.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.