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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.