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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.