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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.