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I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
i feel naked without my mobile !
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.