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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
The future was so much cooler in the past.