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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?