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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!