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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone