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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!