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Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
My brain has too many tabs open.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...