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I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.