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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.