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I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.