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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Don’t believe everything you think.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"