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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.