Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?