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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.