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I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.