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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.