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Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.