Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.