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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape