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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Never trust a skinny chef
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.