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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
My cardio is shopping.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.