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I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
High fiving was the original "like".
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
it`s friday o clock
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.