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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.