Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
No pants are the best pants.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?