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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Remember when the world ended last year?
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…