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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.