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Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.