Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.