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I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.