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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.