Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.