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If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?