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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.