Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. Iām so glad Iām not a crazy person.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?