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Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.