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Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.