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I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.