Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."