Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I`m never free but I`m available.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.