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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Dieting is for the birds. Which is why you hardly ever see a fat bird.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.