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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.